Synopsis: This mini-love-lessons starts with questions you may not have thought of concerning holding hands; then works to help you examine your own inner programming concerning hand holding and love; and what you can do with this knowledge; and more.
Questions of Holding HandsHave you ever given thought to how you hold hands with someone you love? Do you know how you want your hand held by someone who loves you? Do you, like many, want your hand held differently depending on how you feel at the time? Are you good at conveying love via holding the hand of a loved one? Are you good at letting yourself feel loved when your hands are held by someone loving you? Do you hold hands quite frequently, just every so often, or rarely? Why?
Are there people, family members, dear friends, etc. you love that you would not hold hands with? Why? Did you grow up in a family, neighborhood or culture where there was a lot of the holding of hands going on, or the reverse? Do you hold a loved one’s hands more or less for the same amount of time as what was going on around you when you were growing up, or do you know? Would you, or the one you are most likely to hold hands with, desire more frequent or different holding hands experiences?
You might wonder, why ponder all these questions over such a simple thing as holding hands. The reason is, holding hands is a major way to show and share love, and there is a lot more to it than you might think.
Hands: The Great Tools of Artful Love
Our hands are incredible! Our hands have millions of nerve endings
capable of receiving a vast array of stimulations, both physical and
psychological. Through the hands the emotion centers of the brain can
be triggered into feeling a great many different things, including
feeling loving and loved. With touch, including the holding of hands,
we are capable of giving messages of love that can vary from delicate
and tender to strong and powerful.
Holding hands can convey comfort, support, security, connectedness, shared joy, playfulness, cherishing, enthusiasm, sensuality and, of course, with these emotions hands can convey love itself. Holding hands, therefore, can be part of the way people come to experience the many emotions of love together.
The artful lover can vary holding hands by greater or lesser palm pressure, intertwining fingers, squeezing or giving very soft touch, and many other subtle, small movements. In making these variations, different emotions may be felt and conveyed or triggered. There is some evidence to suggest that people who love each other may experience a neuro–electrical interchange and harmonizing phenomena when holding hands. That, in turn, may have something to do with feelings of being bonded together or feeling deeply united.
The Many Ways of Holding Hands with LoveHolding hands side-by-side, two hands holding one hand, two hands holding two hands, holding hands walking together, holding hands sitting side-by-side, holding hands in the moonlight, holding one hand as you lay back and relax after making love, holding hands as you pray or meditate together, holding hands at times of mutual excitement and exultation, holding hands at times of sorrow, holding hands at times of celebration, holding hands when one is in pain, and holding hands during day-to-day ordinary life: all these, and many more, can be times of hand holding with love. Each of those times can be moments of cherished, precious nurturing and united loving by way of holding hands.
The Importance of Place and Situation
Frequently holding hands in special places and situations enhances
the sharing and connecting of those who love each other. Hand holding
also assists in generating more love and more lasting love. When
needed, hand holding also can be very helpful to love’s healing
influence. This healing effect often can facilitate the repair of a
wounded relationship, or aid a troubled person, or even be assistive to
Holding hands while looking at awesomely beautiful, natural wonders frequently is said to double the pleasure of the viewing experience. Also often reported, hand holding assists the people who are holding each other’s hands to connect, not only to each other but to the transcendental, the universal and the divine. Whether they are holding hands while looking at the natural wonder of a gorgeous mountain range, or a newborn baby, or are looking into each other’s eyes, this metaphysical or spiritual sense of connection is enhanced by their hands connecting.
Holding hands in the hospital, in a place of worship and reverence, at a funeral, in a court room, at a graduation, in a place of danger, or in any other place or situation of special significance, hand holding has been known to make major differences in how people feel in those experiences. So, if you are going to make good use of holding hands to give, receive and generate love, give some thought to place and situation.
Examining Your Holding Hands’ ProgramAround the world people grow up with different hand holding customs and cultural training. In some countries, societies, cultures and subcultures, and also in some families, there are strong social rules governing the do’s and don’t’s of holding hands. In some, the rule is ‘no public showing of physical affection’. In others, the rule is ‘no public male with female physical contact’, including the holding of hands; but in some of those female with female public hand holding is acceptable, and in some not.
In some communities it is quite common and acceptable for men to hold hands and in others it is forbidden. In still others, men holding hands is considered homosexual and okay, and in others it is just friendly. Then there are those places where any signs of affection between men is forbidden, and in a few countries even illegal and could lead to imprisonment, public flogging and even execution.
Almost everywhere these rules are under attack and are slowly changing. These changes, however, are meeting with a great deal of resistance in various localities. Anyone holding hands, other than a child’s hands, may be scolded by local elders and authorities in some places. Fathers and grandfathers holding teenager’s hands is considered quite inappropriate and suspicious in some lands. The more conservative religious leaders of a number of faiths preach and teach against holding hands, except with one’s legitimate spouse and only in private. In other religious settings holding hands is accepted, or encouraged, or actually is part of certain ceremonies.
In many places, a sort of new rule seems to be being offered. It is something like ‘holding hands, and lots of other physical affection between any two or more people, in any place is a good thing because it helps make our world a more loving world’. All of these rules, standards, customs, etc. have a programming effect in the subconscious of many people, perhaps including you.
If you have not already, we urge you to raise into your conscious awareness, the training or programming effects of your own upbringing and cultural influences. Then see if you are unknowingly abiding by that programming and, if so, do you consciously wish to alter it? Will making some changes regarding holding hands improve the giving, getting and generating of love in your love relationships? That is how you might use this knowledge.
As always – Go and Grow with Love
Dr. J. Richard Cookerly
♥ Love Success Question
Are you now going to experiment with more holding hands with someone you love?