Mini-Love-Lesson #213
Synopsis: What throuple love is; its legality,
offspring, sexuality; who desires it; and the question “Is it a real
love?” are all briefly presented and explained here.
How Throuple Love Happened to Alice, Betty and Charlie
It all started sometime after Alice’s policeman husband was
tragically killed in the line of duty. Her best friend, Betty, and
Betty’s husband, Charlie, began looking in on Alice and her two young
daughters then taking them places like shopping, the movies and the park
along with their own children. Later they all watched TV and did other
ordinary stuff together. It was obvious to all of them that they were
growing quite close, including the children. One day Betty said,
“Suppose we all move in together, after all, it would save money and we
have become like one big family”. That led to a lot of talk and
spending experimental weekends together which went quite well.
One day Alice said she had a problem with the suggested
all live together
idea. She confessed she was both romantically and sexually attracted
to Charlie and, truth be told, sometimes also a bit attracted to Betty
too. She went further saying she felt sometimes like she was falling in
love with both of them. Betty surprised herself as well as the others
by saying she loved Alice and didn’t think she would really mind sharing
her husband with Alice, sort of like they had seen on a TV show about
Mormon sister-wives. Charlie then related he had love feelings for both
Betty and Alice, truth be told, he revealed he had sexually fantasized
about having threesome sex with both of them.
Cautiously one weekend
with all the kids away at the grandparent’s homes, they started a very
loving, three-way, sexual relationship. At first they laughed together
at their awkwardness, then got really amazed with how turned-on and
passionate they all got with one another. All three were quite certain
they would want to do it again and they did.
One thing that just evolved was all three of them enjoying spending
more time before and after sex, non-sexually cuddling and caressing one
another. It was after one such very loving three-way experience that
Charlie, kind of awkwardly proclaimed, “I think we three are creating a
marriage with each other.” Alice and Betty soon agreed. After some
parent guidance and blended family counseling which included all the
children to make sure that they carried this off in the best way
possible, they bought a big house and moved in together. That was years
ago and except for some problems with outside family members their
love-filled, very psychologically real, three-person marriage/union has
gone quite well.
Another surprise came when they discovered lots of people around the
world were doing pretty much the same thing and there was a name for it,
along with websites, support groups, an app and a whole bunch of other
stuff. The name for it, similar to the word
couple, is “Throuple”.
What Is Throuple Love?
To understand throuple love, just think of the term
couple love
and add a person. Throuple love is a love-mate or spouse-type love for
two people simultaneously instead of just one. A throuple love
relationship is where spouse-type love goes back and forth rather
equally between three people as they have and live in a committed,
love-based, three person, psychological marriage. Sexuality is a part
of that but not the center of it, as likewise it is in a healthy,
love-centered marriage.
Throuples are to be differentiated from threesomes who usually are
more temporary and more about sexuality than love. They also are
different from couples who have a third person,
friends with benefits
type relationship, although probably that is closer and might turn into
a throuple relationship at some point. Technically a throuple could be
considered a form of polygamy or polyandry but those terms more often
reference a one gender dominance situation. Throuple usually is a
classification within the subcategories of plural marriage, group
marriage, polyamor relationships and alternative lifestyles, all of
which are encompassed by the larger category of marriage-type
relationships ( see “
Poly Love” and “
Multiple Sex Partners and Love”).
Some people also use a term like throupling to refer to actions and
states of mind involving or going toward throuple love and relating.
Throupling, throuple love and throuple marriages can occur between one
man and two women, one woman and two men, three women, three men, one or
more bisexuals and one or two others of either gender, one or more
transsexuals with one or two others and may include other gender
oriented categories (see “
Other Genders Love” and “
Does Sexual Preference Influence Love?”).
What About Throuple’s Legality?
The first legal recognition of a throuple union occurred in the
country of Columbia in 2017. Three men were granted family law, legal
union status with the same rights as couples. When challenged, their
legal union was upheld by that nation’s constitutional court.
Worldwide, supportive compliments came from other throuple relationships
around the globe as well as from various libertarians, liberal
religious groups, alternative lifestyle supporters and relational
freedom advocates. Condemnation, death threats, hate messages and other
legal challenge attempts came from a wide variety of other
conservative, traditionalist, reactionary and regressive groups
apparently mostly in South America but also in some parts of Africa.
In most parts of the world, throuples just are not dealt with legally
or, at worst, are arrested and imprisoned with some even endangered by
the death penalty. In countries rated as more democratic, throuples
tend to be accepted and some legal support is able to be obtained
through contract law and broadening family law. In countries rated as
more non-democratic or anti-democratic, severe problems can be
encountered. In various places, the safety of those in a throuple
relationship where laws against polygamy, homosexuality and other forms
of alternate lifestyles exist are a concern, as they are in lands
heavily influenced by various conservative religious laws.
What about Children of Throuples?
Throuples make the argument that three parents can be, and often are,
much better than two or one parent households. What little research
evidence there is suggests this may be true. One of the possible
reasons this may be valid is that when a child needs comfort,
information, support or any parental help, there may be more loving
adults available. Certain testimony from those who have grown up in
three parent, throuple type, homes seems to be quite positive about it
so far. Contrary comments from throuple offspring, to date, are
uncommon.
Definitive, long-range studies have yet to be completed.
Harmful and destructive throuple influences on children have been
postulated by some, but not proven or objectively confirmed as having
any real frequency of occurrence. The preponderance of available,
though meager, evidence to date, suggests throuple love correlates well
with good, healthy, parental love and subsequently children who turn out
quite well as they mature.
What about Throuples and Sex?
King-size beds apparently are rather popular with throuples. One
reason is because three people being sexual with each other
simultaneously is not so easily done in smaller beds designed for
couples. As commonly proclaimed, throupling is not primarily about sex
but rather about love, or at least the attempt at modern, egalitarian,
three-way love. Three lovers cuddling together as they go to sleep with
love in their hearts for one another is more the prototype image than
three people climaxing together (see “
Sexual Love Laces”).
Some throuples take turns or do one at a time sex, some occasionally
bring in a fourth person, usually a dear friend and a few go about
things in the
open marriage sort of way but, so far, the
evidence suggests not many. Throuples usually seem to emphasize they
are going about their relationship in very democratic ways including
what they do sexually. Democratic equality and mutuality, along with a
willingness to experiment with what each other wants, seems to be the
standard.
Who Wants Throuple Love?
Quite a few bisexuals seem to see a throuple love relationship as a
real boon to their natural desires and proclivities. One bisexual said,
“I no longer have to cheat, have affairs and feel guilty now that I’m
in throuple love”. Bi’s have related that in a three-way love and sex
relationship they no longer have to deny or try to suppress half of
their true selves. Some married lesbian and gay men also have related
that the throuple way has allowed them to stay married and continue as
full-time parents, so it is way better for the children.
Throupling homosexuals being sexual is more with a same gender
partner but it can occur in the threesome way. Some report becoming a
bit more bi themselves and getting turned on by seeing their two other
throuple partners enjoying each other.
It is surprising to many that a fair number of older, retired people
seem to have formed throuple-type, love relationships. Cases of widows
and widowers becoming friends and then developing multiple person,
marriage-type love for one another and finally living in a three-person
marriage arrangement might possibly become somewhat common.
Transgender and mixed gender people of various types also see throuple love as a form of living
married
that is well-suited to their particular needs and wants. One trans
person said it was wonderful not to have to get a divorce like happens
to so many married transgender people when they make the transition. “I
started in our throuple as a biological male with a male and a female
spouse. For a time, I was sort of a half-and-half but was just as loved
by my other two. Then I got to my real self as a full female and was
still pretty much loved just the same way I was when we started. Even
better, all three of us pretty much are just same except my female
clothes take up more room now”.
There are those who grew up in happy, big families who find the
throuple way of doing love relating to feel like being home again.
Others admit to being bigamist at heart and there are still others who
enjoy having a sort of brother or sister spouse. A very small number
are known to have grown up in throuple household and just see it as what
they are used to and like. Others who have had bad experiences with
two-person marriage are willing to try a throuple love approach.
In short, a growing number of people all around the world either want
a throuple relationship or are willing to give it a try to see if it
works for them. It is too early to tell but some analysts suspect
throuple love is going to keep growing and eventually perhaps become
common.
Is Throuple Love Real Love?
You can’t really love two people at once, can you? At least one
person’s love for one of the others will be fake love, won’t it? And if
you love one better than the other, won’t that break up the throuple?
Doing this throuple love thing isn’t natural, is it? All sorts of
questions arise and those in throuple love relationships give some
pretty interesting answers. To the question about loving two people
comes the reply “lots of people love two children, two parents, two
siblings, two friends etc. so why not two romantic or marriage type
partners? To the second question comes to the reply “throuples have
less fake love and false love problems than do couples because they have
to examine everything more carefully, and three minds work better than
just two or one”.
The third question about loving one better than the other gets the
answer “people may unequally love two children, two siblings, two
parents, etc. differently at different times and it all works out fine,
so why not two lovers? To the issue of what’s natural comes the social
psychologist’s and cultural anthropologist’s answers showing millions of
people living and having lived in multiple person marriages and done so
quite sufficiently and successfully. Monogamy actually may be in the
minority throughout cultures and over long time periods. That certainly
is true in the animal world.
If you measure real love by the behaviors and operations that exhibit
it, and by the operations that differentiate it from false love, or by
what the limbic system in the brain does neurochemically and neural
electrically with love, or by the social biological correlates of those
who strongly report feeling love after years of love relating, then we
have no reason to think that throuple love could not be just as real as
couple love. However, it will take a lot more good, solid research to
support or contradict this much more fully than is currently evident.
Could throuple love be right for you, or members of your family, friends, etc.? Again, emphasis on love.
One More Little Thing
Who might you want to talk all this over with, and maybe tell them about this site and its FREE 200+ mini-love-lessons?
As always – Go and Grow with Love
Dr. J. Richard Cookerly
♥ Love Success Question: If you knew a throuple, would you invite them to dinner at your home and, yea or nay, what does that tell you?
