Synopsis: The importance and benefits of small, quick love feelings and love actions: along with how to get and give them: along with the research into “felt love” is simply but rather well covered in this mini-love-lesson.
Don’t Miss It!
Have you felt loved today? If not, maybe you missed it. It’s easy to miss the little expressions of love that may come our way. We usually can get the big expressions of love, but what about the little ones? Did someone flash you an extra sweet, loving smile? Has anyone briefly touch-loved you today in any way, and if you’re not sure, what does that say? Maybe with some sincerity, someone said, “ I love you, Daddy (or Mommy or anyone else)” and you too quickly and perfunctorily replied, “I love you too” then went on to whatever concerned you at the moment. You just passed up a micro-moment for feeling loved. Yes, it might have interrupted you a little, slowed you down a trifle, but if you had paused and savored it for 10 seconds it may have done you more good than you might know.
Some people learn to notice and savor the smaller “felt loved” feelings and their all-over sense of well-being rises a bit. With that brief and mild, heightened sense of well-being a person’s immunity mechanisms may function just a bit better, as will their digestion, metabolism, blood flow and emotional mood. So too, will their general happiness and relational harmony likely benefit.
From Little Benefits to Big Benefits
Every day, short periods of feeling cared about, treated with affection, heart valued, treated with kindness and genuinely and generally loved (not just romantically) can do us a world of good – if we do our job to fully receive the actions that express love to us. Probably, everybody who is loved misses some of the actions of love coming their way. Sadly, some people miss most of them. Missing too many can result in relational harm. Catching most of them can result in energizing joy, greater relational cooperation and reduced interaction friction.
What “Felt Love” Research Shows
Studies at Penn State found that people who reported having more frequently “felt love” from their Internet actions with friends, family, love mates and even acquaintances, reported more optimism, stronger sense of life purpose and a greater sense of well-being than did those who reported low incidence of “felt love” experiences. Other research has indicated feeling loved increases health, happiness, relational harmony, general well-being and productivity.
Researchers using advanced statistical techniques at Penn State Institute for Computational and Data Sciences, along with behavioral sciences researchers at Duquesne University, Claremont, and The University of California, Irvine have been exploring love in everyday life. Their studies confirm the concept that small fairly consistent showings of love, when well received, make everyday life far healthier and happier.
How To Get More Love Coming Your Way
The simplest way to get more love coming your way is to ask for it in a friendly, assertive, upbeat way. Couples, friends, families and other groupings can decide together to work on showing each other love in little ways more often. Especially does that work when it’s done in a fun way without criticism, judgment or other stressors. Another way is to decide to put more micro-love behaviors into what you express to others. That can work like planting seeds that later grow micro-expressions of love which begin to circulate in your love network. A third way is to just start talking to your loved ones about micro-behaviors of love and, thus, raise everyone’s awareness of the little ways that count so big.
When talking about micro-love actions, you might want to mention Mother Teresa’s teaching that many small actions of love do you, and others, more good than the occasional grand, great gesture of love. You could quote her statement “We can do no great things, only small things with great love (from LOVE: The Words and Inspiration’s of Mother Teresa, 2007, Blue Mountain Press).
How To Catch More Love Coming Your Way
One way to catch more of the expressed micro-love actions that may be sent your way is to become more aware of the 12 Expressional Love Behaviors. Practicing mindfulness exercises for each major way love is sent, especially the Core Four and Crucial Four, can be both fun and highly useful. Mindfulness focused on when and how and with whom one feels loved can increase awareness and lead to greater well-being, various physical health improvements, love relationship functioning as well as better individual psychological health.
One of love’s best practices has to do with looking for all the opportunities we get to express love through micro-behaviors in everyday life. More than once I have heard things like “I was suicidal until a smile, a hug, some words of encouragement and somebody told me I was loved”; “They gave me a thumbs up” or “They just came and stood next to me”. We probably seldom get to know just how much some small, quick action of love expression makes a huge difference in someone’s life. We now know that some micro-action of love coming our way can make a big, positive difference.
One More Thing: It might be a little act of love to talk over this mini-love-lesson with someone you know. If you experiment with that, we’d really like it if you would mention this site and its many love lessons – Thank you.
As always – Go and Grow with Love
Dr. J. Richard Cookerly
♥ Love Success Question: If you were going to target two people to send a micro-love behavior to, who would they be, what would the behavior be and when would you make it happen?